Total body transformation

Right now, I’m looking at a lot of total body transformations and really liking what I see. Some of my body type goals are top glamour / pin up models such as Miracle Watts, Talia Shepard, Jenna Jameson, Yaya Han, Jessica Nigri, and Kim Kardashian circa 2005-2006. The thing is, they were all way younger than I was when they transformed, but they do look older in a way.

But going into my later 30s, I feel that this is more of a realistic body type for a mature woman than the “teen thin” image. The bone structure does change as you go into your 20s and 30s. Even if I am not a mom, I guess this is called a “cougar” or “milf” look.

After losing weight to BMI 16 / 17, I have begun to give up on achieving a body type that is considered a beauty standard in my Asian heritage and / or high fashion. It’s just not working. I can see ribs on the back of my body, but my rib cage is not getting any thinner. I look like a strange robot with big hip bones. Right now my body is a similar, if inferior type to Katy Perry, Dita Von Teese, or a bit smaller (butt) than Jennifer Lopez in the 90s. This is not considered to be curvy enough for the modern day where the booty or bust shape has to be very extreme to appeal to the public.

The Kate Moss look does not really work for me, due to the stockiness of my build. It’s not even a long torso and short leg issue; after losing weight I discovered that this isn’t actually true. I’m going to go in a bit of a different direction now with my fitness journey, and picked up some books on working the glutes and pecs. Keep up with the updates.

Current skincare stack, and thoughts on the world of hormones

My current skincare stack is for getting rid of residual acne scars and preventing acne. I am no longer in the active skin lightening game since I was able to fade out all dark marks, dark spots and dark elbow issues. The products I have marked with a * are only available on the internet where I live. Some of them are restricted where I live, for reasons I don’t want to go into here.

The rest of them are available at brick and mortar stores. The “Up and Up” line is available at Target and many of the beauty items are available at Beauty Supply stores.


Alternating: Biore Pore Scrub and Up & Up Oil Free Acne Wash

30% CE Ferulic serum by Beauty Everlasting  *

Up & Up Dual Effects Moisturizer 

Aziderm 20% Azelaic Acid *

Alternating: Bioderma Photoderm MAX Fluid SPF 50+ * and Yes to Cucumbers SPF 30+

Clarins Lift-Affine Visage Eye Cream or MyChelle Magnolia Fresh Eyes

Diane 35 pill *



Same facial wash as AM

Stridex Pad

Acnelyse 0.1% Tretinoin (Just upgraded from 0.05) *

Any generic V-Line Serum

Up & Up Dual Effects Moisturizer

FEG Bimatoprost Lash and Brow Serum *

Occasionally: IKB 4% Hydroquinone Gel or SkinLite (Triluma)

Occasionally: Malie Sheet Mask (assorted)

I just ordered Dalacin T (clindamycin) to use with the tretinoin. *

Starting in 2 months I will get a connection for Accutane 10mg. I will take 20mg every day. Since I am around 45kg that means I’ll take it for a year to get to my body weight rated dose. I am doing the low dosed method used in Asian cultures. I am also going to Tazret soon because it is stronger, and will reserve the Retin-A for my neck and other non acneic areas of the body.

For hair: Infusium 23 Color Protect mixed with Lottabody Setting Lotion and water, in a spray bottle before blow drying.

HRT for Life with your Retin A? 

Much has been made about AndroGel and other forms of HRT for men. Guys all over the political and fitness websites are raving about ‘steroids’. Not the vast quantities that bodybuilders consume, but just enough to replace what goes down with age. They get warnings, and some of their products are illegal (like the “Gay Lube Oil” scandal) but it works. There’s also a local company, Cenegenics, run by guys like Jeffry Life (pictured in inset).

        Lately I’ve noticed that HRT and the birth control pill are similar. Angeliq is highly similar to Yasmin, just like Prefest and Activella are similar to other BCPs, and Vivelle Dot is similar to the patch. Low-dose Angeliq has 0.25 mg drsp and 0.5 mg of estrogen Yasmin has 2mg of drsp and 0.03 mg of estrogen. The only difference is that HRT has more estrogen to replace what goes down with age and BC is mainly progesterone, the pregnancy hormone.

Growing up in the ’90s, I read about many scandals regarding HRT brands such as Premarin allegedly causing breast cancer and other diseases. Moreover, I was disgusted to find out that Premarin stood for “Pregnant Mare Urine”. My mother did not take mainstream HRT as she went into her late 50s, due to this fear-mongering she stuck to traditional methods like dong quai.

I know that some of the herbs are horrible. When I took black cohosh to bring down my period I was warned that it was toxic to the liver.

Many other people have cut their HRT journeys short in favor of stuff like soy extractives which could actually be worse. But as I get older, I don’t know. I’m the first racetam user in my family. Intrepid people like Jeffry Life are taking HRT forever. We’re like, the first guinea pigs.

In a similar fashion, many people quit Retin-A after their teenage acne went away, only to use those ‘rosa mosqueta’ oils that proliferate in beauty supply stores. If they had stayed on Retin-A while taking breaks to have kids (since it affects both the sperm and the eggs) they might have been better off. The main problem, for most folks, is price.

With my sources, I can get Retin-A for a low price. But this is not considered legal where I live. Many people around here pay upwards of $80 for a bottle of R.A. Is this fair to every social class?

So I’m actually wondering – would it be possible for both men and women, under monitoring for cancer, running blood pressure meds, anti-DHT meds like propecia, and statins, to take HRT for life? I don’t know. There’s been talk of people using BCP for peri-menopause instead of stopping at a certain age and going to sterilization, which is the traditional way. Putting two and two together, it goes to follow that HRT use (similar to BC) is possible for life, regardless of your gender.


Waist Training

Today I’m going to see if the corset store is open so that I can get a waist training corset. The main thing I’m trying to do is reduce my floating ribs and rib cage in general because it looks abhorrent, like I have 4 boobs. Honestly, I should have started this in my 20s rather than my 30s but if wishes were fishes, we’d all have wings.

Right now my waist is 22-23 and I am trying to get a typical reduction. But I don’t really care about soft tissue morphology so much. It’s the bone that is the real problem, otherwise I’d stick to the stretchy waist trainers I grew up with as a fat kid which are now popularized by Kim Kardashian.

I don’t have a massive amount of fat protrusion anymore, my main concern is getting a vertical bellybutton while sitting down, which probably can’t be helped by any sort of girdle. I’m going to start with 18 hours a day then move up to 23. Also I’d like to improve my posture since it isn’t budging with my workout regimen.